10 Worst Films of 2013

*2013 may very well be the best movie year of the new century. However, the titles below illustrate the hardship of the filmgoing profession. Here are the 10 worst films of 2013 (1 being the worst…).

movie-43

1)    Movie 43 – With 87 years left in the 21st century, ‘Movie 43′ has made a very strong bid for the worst movie of the century.

Identity Thief

2)    Identity Thief – This movie grossed nearly $135 million; this makes many of us moviegoers a victim of an identity thief.

HANGOVER 3

3)    The Hangover Part III – If you hated ‘The Hangover II’, then you are going to be disappointed by this. A giraffe is decapitated, a rooster is smothered and a dog is shot with a gun – the cast members should have done community service for this.

enders-game-tv

4)    Ender’s Game – The movie’s zero gravity setting doesn’t excuse it from having zero humor, zero drama, and zero thrills. Zero stars from me…Zzzzero.

only god forgives

5)    Only God Forgives – God may forgive, but I do not. ‘Only God Forgives’ is as lifeless as the severed head that turns up mid-way through the movie. It’s an ugly, reprehensible picture masquerading as art-house cinema.

a good day to die hard

6)    A Good Day To Die Hard – RIP ‘Die Hard’ Series (1988 – 2007). At one point in the film, Bruce Willis and Jai Courtney steal a car full of firearms and drive from Moscow to Chernobyl within a matter of hours. For the record, Chernobyl is not in Russia and is located about 700 miles away from Moscow.

gangster squad

7)    Gangster Squad – Directed by Ruben Fleischer, ‘Gangster Squad’ is as lifeless as the zombies that populated his previous film, ‘Zombieland’. But, at least Sean Penn’s performance was funnier than anything featured in ‘Movie 43’, ‘Identity Thief’, or ‘The Hangover Part III’

texas chainsaw

8)    Texas Chainsaw – There is an actor in this movie credited as Tremaine “Trey Songz” Aldon Neverson. This name is longer than any one line of dialogue contained in the picture (the majority of the screenplay consisting of “Help!” *scream* “Help!”)

oz

9)    Oz: The Great and Powerful – Nowhere near the rainbow. There was nothing here that was great or powerful. For some inexplicable reason, the guest critic on this site gave the film a positive review.

spring breakers

10)    Spring Breakers – To quote Danny Glover from ‘Lethal Weapon’: “I’m too old for this shit.” Nothing more than a 94 minute T&A music video.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s